You come and read my blog. Enjoy at your own risk. I do not intend to harm anyone but if I do, Sorry. and too bad. Do tag at my tagboard. Show your existence, leave your footsteps. Do not leave silently. Thank you for mourning with me...

The ones below are my archives. Read for more depressing posts.
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February 2006 March 2006 April 2006
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Wednesday, February 22, 2006

lunes
I wish I knew how to use witchcraft

so that I could kill anyone who stands in my way... All the things running through my head, all the things.. killing me.. I can't take it... Kill.. reap... tear...

stubborn bitch.... I'll kill you...


I definetely need a psychiatrist... dont mind me guys
_ play a song. ] 0 comments

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

damn again
my mom hasn't sent money for us to use.. we are close to dying.. that's why I choose to stay at home rather than to go to school now...

we don't know how or where will we get money.. It hurts to say that if this keeps going on.. I'll have to find a job...

I am close to breaking and down and crying.. and I don't really know what to do.. but please if you have time.. please pray for our damned soul...

This maybe the start of our real nightmare....
_ play a song. ] 0 comments

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

lol
I can't talk...... REALLY!!!

LOL... I really can't think well right now.. Dunno, it's maybe becoz im so hungry.. :( lol ahahaha

anyways. the weather is fine.. NOT!! it is very hot and Im going to Melt in this kind of weather. Damn! wish my room's airconditioned so that I'll never go out of my house and stay here all day long! LOL nah but even if I had that, I coudn't resist the urge to go to GC's gatherings and stuff.. ya know.. LOL I am a sociable person. but still there's something inside me that makes solitude a good matter and a sense of happiness and bliss to my melancholic pesonality..

Being alone.. LOL what I can say about that. :D well, When i was a child I was always left alone in our apartment while my beloved mom works for our daily living. LOL well.. though I have many toys, I managed to be alone and yep.. I got used to it by that time.. ahahaha and as a typical child I play w/ my toys all day w/c makes my mom, neighbors that I was a retard... OT/Auty whattever you want to call it.. -__-

lol junior high days = already over.. hahaha very fun very fun... close to being a senior hahaha.. LOL the most enjoying high school year of my life.. comes to an end. It really does tell that "Time flies when you are enjoying" agree?? :)

and Oh yeah.. its valentines today.. speaking of valentines.. I haven't experienced dating in valentines day.. or I haven't experienced dating since birth! LOL ahaha.. they say teens should enjoy their years. dating and such.. LOL i wanna try that but.. hell! I can't seem to find out HOW will I date her.. I mean. I'm not shy to ask but, Is she free that day? or how and where will I date her? lol but there are many more valentines to come.. ahaha might as well greet her or be sorry ahaha.. na joke.. ^__^

hhayy.. I wanted to try things but I can't find opportunity though.. my life's really miserable and sad.. I can't find contentment.. LOL things keep bugging me.. I really think Im going insane.. I wanted to close my eyes but everytime I close it this problems I see.. Even in the presence of my friends my heart still can't find time to relax and enjoy life.. It justs wanted to get out of me.. find another body and leaving me w/o a heart nor a soul.. -__- this is really bad... the ending of this suffering that i've been waiting for a long time doesn't seem to come and bring me so much joy, happiness and contentment.. as simple as that.. lol mood change? from joyful to melancholic expressions of disaster and mess.. LOL "Under the smiles and cheerful attitude lies a great sadness no one can ever take"

so many pressure.... but after all those shit that happened to me.. I don't feel like celebrating the day of hearts today.. just an ordinary day to me..

but still...

happy valentines to all of you.
_ play a song. ] 0 comments

Sunday, February 05, 2006

those who died are justified!
I hate being myself...

Have you ever wonder how hard life was? how it is unfair? How it is cruel? I do... I do wonder... Have you ever felt how hard is to live poorer than a rat? I do... I felt it...

I really wish this could end, I wish I could cry but to bad I can't... with a cold heart like mine.. I wish it would go away.. I have too many debts... and I don't really know where to get money to pay those debts from my friends.. As you see, money is everything for me. You can't eat w/o money, you can't be clothe if you have no money, You can't feed your hungry family with love, can love buy food at the stores? can love clothe you? OR can love make your empty stomach full? Love is not a need, it is a want... MONEY is a need, at times like this.. How can you live w/ love ONLY? tell me how...

My mom has no Job abroad.. we are starving. We are close to dying... I go to school on an empty stomach, with an empty purse. My friends sometimes don't understand me. Says money isn't everything... Yeah.. To you it is not every thing. But to me?

We where the lucky ones back to those good times.. but you can't expect to drive a good car to life.. Sometimes you will over come humps and holes on the road.. Flat tires.. Busted engines.. Empty gas, w/c will leave you on that road of problems where you can't go on cause of those problems.. You see, having no father isn't easy...

Last night. I heard the news.. where many had died in ultra cause of that WOWOWEE show... Many tried to get in. to get a shot for money. so that they can feed their hungry kids. But life's cruel. many had died at the stampede.. many had died because of desperation, those who are desperate to live, hoping for WOWOWEE to help them.. sadly.. It killed them...

Those who died are justified.. those who died will be honored.. I wish I was dead too....

to all who I had debts... I really wish I could pay you sooner.. to bad I don't know where am I going to get money... Hate me, despise me.. I deserve it..
_ play a song. ] 0 comments

Friday, February 03, 2006

Most Unforgettable Week
this post is about what happened last week...

January 23 MONDAY

It kept raining and raining... sun shines, rain comes.. not a good sign for me though. It was our COCC form at the afternoon. And because of "this" COCC officer asshole. He Let us in the rain doing that "21 counts manual at arms" exercise while raining. and to tell you it is NOT good. Why? this saturday is Summer Rejects first battle of the bands (and my 1st time too) in ST. Paul QC. And when I got home after our formation, this Mr. Cough and Mrs. Cold started to attack my systems. not a good sign.. I repeat. It was not Good... shit.

January 24 TUESDAY

My sickness was not that too serious though, yep it's just mild. and I can sing well and clearly that time. 5:00 pm. Me and Roy trottled to Ric's House (SR's Lead Guitarist) to give Ric a copy of "Here w/o You" by 3 Doors Down. And a little rehearsal. Philip (SR's Bassist) though was not able to go.

January 25 WEDNESDAY

Another COCC form was held and this was what I've regretted the whole week. And yet that COCC officer somehow gave us a little bath in the Rain again... We were given 1 month push-ups (it's 30 counts stupid. if you're thinking we will push-up our assess the whole month) Then big drops of rain came down splashing our perspired backs and giving us FREE rain shower. It was good. But When I came home. I regretted of what've done. Mr. Cough and Mrs. Cold became more violent to me. Giving me a sore throat and a clogged throat (sorry guys, did I used the term right?). HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SING LIKE THAT? FUCKING HELL...

January 26 THURSDAY

this is bad. I can't sing. and im starting to worry. There's still one left to do. Drink the punishing "hellspawn" SALABAT or what you call is boiled ginger. And this hellspawn will really give you HELL.. It tastes BAD. It will make you puke. but as they say it's effective so I gave it a damn try. Can't tell you what it's like though. Drink One.. you'll see... Roy(SR's drummer) catched a fever. DAMN

January 27 FRIDAY

starting to worry and starting to panic.. While I was at the classroom. I asked my classmate whom is a talented singer. I asked her "what do you do if sore throat attacks you when you are about to perform the other day" She answered with a smile "well I use Valda Pastilles, you can buy some at mercury drugstore, and mind you, it is 100% effective" SO I had to find ways to buy the drug. Great cramming, SR haven't got any practice this week though. So it leaves Us that we practice early at RIc's house on saturday before we leave to saint paul. Roy's fever got more complicated. WE feared that he may not be able to perform with us the day before..

January 28 SATURDAY

Roy couldn't make it, and that was hard shit. Wrong timing and a big BAD LUCK to our band. HELL having no drummer was a Big losing streak for a band. We can't blame him cause he didn't wanted to have a fever either. So we need to perform w/o him. Too bad that it's our 1st battle of the bands and he will not be with us to perform, sad... but we need to accept that in some cases, you can't be always on top...

We 3 (me, ric, philip) had a recap on Ric's house. Because Roy's not w/ us. We will be playing pure acoustic (Actually, it is an acoustic band contest). Then I and Philip went to Mercury Drug to buy "valda Pastilles" And I am very thankful that Philip gave me money to buy the thing. says that he will give everything for our band even if it takes money.. (lol not all) see how dedicated he was? that's why he's one of my respected friends out there. We've been best friends since grade five. And I really miss his company.

Then after some cramming. We went to mega to meet mel but to bad She left to go to her school so we got our assess to MRT. MRT's so so so so so so so so so so so so so CROWDED.. Talking about sardines.. WE where like sardines back then. Then to LRT station going to Gillmore and then we landed at ST. Paul. We saw Jet and Mel's Band "Bandon Prai" (did I get it right mel?) anyways.. the tension killed me.. Hahahaha so we went at the Gym's Side to prepare for our song. We saw the Band Join The Club w/c is one of my appreciated bands.

We got their authographs and because of them, We are really fired up to perform. Hahaha. our band was the 13th to perform then Mel's band was 11th.. JTC's invited to judge the battle of the bands contest... and they liked our band's name :D all of them are so friendly. Biboy (JTC's vocals) said that they were like us when they started. and I see that they see their old selves through us when they were at our age and started performing. :)

The much awaited time came. We were at the backstage to practice and give a little recap. Then I started biding some bands goodluck and they bid us back w/ the same ol "Good luck chong".. You see, a Battle of the Bands is like a sport. You win, you lose. and i saw some great display of sportsman ship w/ all the bands biding good luck. a happy sight.

then It was the time for mel's band to perform. Then We saw that they had a little technichal problem. Their vocalist started crying. and I saw the floor manager (or whatever you call it) shout "Next na!" cause it took a long time. but after much pleading of mel's friend w/c wears green. (dunno her name) the floor manager started to give the signal to open the curtain. When the curtain oppened. it was the que for them to start.. then The vocalist sang like an angel while mel was as hot as hell playing the drumset. LOL she plays good and If she had 8 more arms. She could make her own band! seriously! okay enough, then after their performance they rushed outside the backstage crying.. I didn't know why, they did great! I mean! what's all the emotional thing?

Then while the 12th band was performing. me and the band had a little recap of what to do. Then we retouched with powder to cover our oily faces... Then it was our time to Perform. Ric was still tuning the guitar when the curtain oppened and we where urged to perform. So after a little intro of mine. We started performing "Here w/o You" by 3 doorsdown. The lights, the crowd and the judges, The first time I've stepped on stage and performed. My first battle of the band, my first sight of the crowd, my first performance.. The prettiest sight and the nicest thing that happened to me. Like no other thing has AND i repeat.. THE NICEST THING EVER.. compared to what I reffer before as nice. like meeting my special some one and falling in love w/ her.. this was different.. Love was excluded from my brain and I wanted to focus on my band rather having a girlfriend.

But all of a sudden. Ric's guitar experienced the same technichal difficulties. (we only borrowed the guitar from mel's bandmate w/c experienced the same technical difficulty earlier that night) oh well. but still I sang my heart out. I wanted to cry because of the beautiful sight that I saw, that night was the most unforgettable night. after going through all the shit from that week starting monday, we were finally performing.

After the performance. I felt what Mel's band had felt that night. But I really think their performance was outstanding! im am not kidding okay. im serious. It was past midnight when we travelled home together w/ Jet. Me and Ric arrived at his house at 2am. while Philip was fetched by his father at 7eleven that time.

We went through a lot of Shit all this week. but the shit we've been through was all flushed down the drain that night. That special night. Where I find my Joy and Happyness..

Congratulations Summer Rejects, We did great... This is just the beggining. The rising of our Sun..




Here Without You - 3 Doors Down.

A hundred days had made me older
since the last time that I've saw your pretty face

A thousand lights had made me colder and I don't think I can look at this the same

But all the miles had separate
They disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby
but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me

The miles just keep rollin
as the people either way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
but I hope that it gets better as we go

I'm here without you baby
but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me

Everything I know,
and anywhere I go
it gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls,
when it's all said and done
it get hard but it won't take away my love

I'm here without you baby
but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me

ROCK ON SUMMER REJECTS!
_ play a song. ] 0 comments


shit
my other blog had a big problem...

so i had 2 create another one
_ play a song. ] 0 comments

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;; All about a Sinner _
A sorrowful soul who's addictions are
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